1. Do you know where I live I don't know my way home?

2. Does that colour on that paint chip look the same as my wall?

3. Will liquid nails leave a hole in my wall?

4. Can you give me a screw please?

5. I've broken some poultry ..... I need some glue.

6. I think I left my car in a clearway.....its gone now.

7. Do you have any softer rope? I need it for bondage!!!

1.You cannot hammer a steel nail into concrete.

2.There is NO out the back! However if one insists it is within the rights of the employee to go out the back and have a cuppa. It also becomes a great reason pretend we have almost everything a person could want.

3.If you're wearing a Thrifty Link shirt you do work here, although we have had employees that have worn the shirt and just didn't work.

4.When in doubt get them out. Those impossible customers need to be directed to Reece, Middy's, Tradelink, Beacon Lighting or when really in trouble the Shell servo. Remember they will be sending them to us!!!

5.It is not fun or clever to sniff Kwik-Grip or to inhale from spray cans.

6. When dealing with customers be a mirror. We work in an interesting place.
       friendly = friendly
      rude = rude
      insane = insane
      happy = happy
if in doubt just say "Yes"

7. The day in the shop hasn't ended until a customer rattles the closed door and looks through the glass into a dark shop and then calls "are you still open?"

8. When listening to life stories or events in Syria and Russia, and the phone rings(it may be another staff member trying to rescue you), and you don't answer it don't expect any sympathy for anyone else. 

9. When giving receipts the general rule is 'if you put them in the bag they will be taken out, but if given in the hand they will be put in the bag, SO the rule is put them on the counter. The other confusing rules with receipts concern to ask or not, to ask whether EFTPOS is needed and the most perplexing is whether to staple or not. These rules take years of experience master.

10. If a customer ask about a bed, NEVER be polite and ask any questions particularly if any of these 4 repairs are required:
-the bed frame has become loose
-several of the slats are broken
-something to stop the bed moving across the floor
-something to stop the bed head damaging the wall when it moves

ASK at your own peril.

1. The customer who cunningly arranged the adhesive signs to read "Ladies Please Pull Men Off".

2. The customer who came looking for a new light fitting, explaining "the other one doesn't work because when I stuck my finger in I got electrocuted."

3. The customer who comes in the shop and says "I'm not sure I am in the right shop or if I should be at Club X but I am after a plug."

4. The customer who walks in and asks for pesticide. He is shown the shelf they are on but looks blankly for a few minutes and then says"Its to kill mites on a lizard."

5. The female customer who was wanting ear plugs. She described all the constant noise and fighting outside place every night and said "I'd rather be killed than woken up."

6. A customer wanted to buy three battery operated door chimes each with its own ring. Upon enquiring  we were informed it was for clients at the sperm donation clinic who would use the chimes to indicate when they were finished.

1. The less a customer knows what they're talking about, the more likely they are to look at you like you are an idiot.

2. Some guys believe that if a female serves them in a hardware store its because she desperately wants to get to know them.

3. When a customer is already talking as they walk in the door they need to be avoided.

4. On the occasions that someone will say to you "I'm not tryin to steal nothin". This is almost certainly a lie.

5. Bolt cutters are never to be lent out to any customers. Our experience is they have been used for break ins, cutting of bike locks[not their own] and the removal of an unwanted piercing in an unmentionable appendage.