1. The customer who cunningly arranged the adhesive signs to read "Ladies Please Pull Men Off".

2. The customer who came looking for a new light fitting, explaining "the other one doesn't work because when I stuck my finger in I got electrocuted."

3. The customer who comes in the shop and says "I'm not sure I am in the right shop or if I should be at Club X but I am after a plug."

4. The customer who walks in and asks for pesticide. He is shown the shelf they are on but looks blankly for a few minutes and then says"Its to kill mites on a lizard."

5. The female customer who was wanting ear plugs. She described all the constant noise and fighting outside place every night and said "I'd rather be killed than woken up."

6. A customer wanted to buy three battery operated door chimes each with its own ring. Upon enquiring  we were informed it was for clients at the sperm donation clinic who would use the chimes to indicate when they were finished.

1. The less a customer knows what they're talking about, the more likely they are to look at you like you are an idiot.

2. Some guys believe that if a female serves them in a hardware store its because she desperately wants to get to know them.

3. When a customer is already talking as they walk in the door they need to be avoided.

4. On the occasions that someone will say to you "I'm not tryin to steal nothin". This is almost certainly a lie.

5. Bolt cutters are never to be lent out to any customers. Our experience is they have been used for break ins, cutting of bike locks[not their own] and the removal of an unwanted piercing in an unmentionable appendage.